Death is a universal experience in human life and one of the least talked about. People tip toe around the topic avoiding it at all cost. In class many of us were watching what we said, trying not to offend any of our classmates. Its an unspoken rule. Although we all know its coming, talking about it is unacceptable. I have never lost a parent and can't imagine what its like, something I am grateful for.
As a young child, I was a little more curious then most about death. This curiosity continues today. I find the thoughts and practices of people regarding death fascinating. My grandmother died when I was in 5th grade following a long fight with breast cancer and various other serious illnesses. By the end she was a shell of her former self, nothing like the strong woman who was a role model as I grew up. A little piece of me was thrilled to hear that she had passed away because she was suffering so much in life. I was eleven years old and as the oldest grandchild by several years had the most memories of her when she was healthy. She was never buried, her ashes are sitting in a wooden box in my uncle's house. Also in the box is a postcard of a place she always wanted to go. My uncle stuck it in there a few years ago because he felt she would have wanted to see it. At the time of her death I was upset at the idea that she wouldn't be buried. I wanted a place to go and visit her, something that is very important to many people. Over the years though I realized I didn't need one. I have the memories of her life. For the next several years, I clung to the idea of an after life. Looking back this probably stemmed from a desire to see her again. Since then I have lost this notation.
I feel that the desire for an afterlife goes hand and hand with a desire to see a loved one again. I had several amazing years and a few shitty ones with my grandmother. I'm lucky some people get much less. My brother only had 7 years and most of them she was sick or he was too young and my sister was only 6 months old and remembers nothing. She doesn't know the joy she brought my grandmother in the last few months of her life. For some people I can understand their desire for an afterlife their time with a loved one was cut way to short, but other times I worry it is an insurance policy. A safety in case you didn't spend enough time with your loved ones in life. If someone, or their family member, is given a fatal diagnosis they almost always change their lifestyle. However most people don't get a heads up. For me, the need for an afterlife, exhibits a problem with the way we live our lives.
I worry about death and losing loved ones just as much as the next person but I'm not afraid of it. The idea of one's existence ending and becoming nothing but dirt is upsetting to some but comforting to me. I appreciate that similarity of the human existence, as well as its universality across cultures. For years I have explained to my family, friends and loved ones, what I want after death and I have asked them. Probably my only fear about death is the possibility of coming back to life. (Zombies and the idea of being a zombie scares me way more than is really necessary.) Often I have to remind myself that this isn't something we talk about, at least not until after it happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment